Painful Identity art =( Process

Ok.  been professionally arting for 15 years.  That does not include getting poems published since I was 6 and being in public performances and shows since 7.  Yet I realize that all the stuff my parents brainwashed me encouraging me to not be an artist has made me have a lot of fear and sometimes shame around all the things I make art about. Too much working class and still it couldn't wring the art out of my venas. Which means even in this very anonymous blog not everything is here.  Well I'm 31 and I realize as many times as I tried to walk away from this being part of my professional life its been impossible to extract this work from my heart.  And all the split identities and many places to  divulge documented work has been messy and hard.  Also makes it hard to regularly blog.  Well fuck it.  Next few months I will put it here.  I have to suck all the colonization and well behaved behavior off of my heart.  So i will periodically drop art bombs and photos and what not here and I won't worry so much about when I made it.  I have found my process is super cyclical and sometimes we head to the past for a rebirth.  Its like I can't remember everything that happened in life as a fluid experience and i just got through a really tight hole in a bunch of walls so its time to strip off all the layers and just leave it here in this anonymous universe without judgement.  So raw,  vulgar, vulnerable and the messy shit that has been this many century experiment.  I will look at the past and the present and your past or even my dad's past which haunts me like pneumonia as if it was a collection of my own.  Or my Bis Bis Abuela's experience on my mothers side and her murder as if it was my own.  The same way it still haunts my dreams many nights as if it was my own and only I can figure out how to get back here after crunching sea bird eggs and very crudely cured meats.  maybe too my dreams will come to rest here for now while I figure out how to apply them better.  ~2016